This morning at 11:25AM, Slick Johnson, spokesman and manager of notoriously lewd and crude hard rock band Wakeup Call held a press conference confirming that the group had turned down a six figure, eight album recording deal with RedAnt Records, Inc. a division of the Orkin Corporation of Youngstown, Ohio. When asked why the talks had broken down Johnson pointed his finger at RedAnt's attorney Dick Pumpiner. "Pumpiner insisted in including an exclusivity clause in the contract that we found unacceptable. The band just wouldn't go for it. The deal sounded great at first and the chicks and cocaine certainly got things off to a smooth start. Unfortunately, as soon as the fine print was examined with a fine tooth comb, we knew there were going to be problems."

Dick Pumpiner claims that the deal was on the up and up with the band having all to gain and nothing worthwhile to lose.
He insisted, "These jerks will still be cranking their knobs and rubbing themselves with little sister's panties if they don't get with the program we're offering."

Danny Aranda, the frontman of the group had the following comments on the crumbling prospects. "Let me get this right. They want to use our music to scare away bugs? That's crazy. I make music for people to enjoy and party to. Not to stimulate creepy crawlies.
This is fucking bullshit. Eight albums used exclusively as pest control? No airplay or nothing? No concerts with the little girlies running around backstage with those erotic jello molds and battery powered hand puppets?
Why do you think I got in this business? If I wanted to kill bugs I'd step on your head."

Chris Spizziri gave his opinion after restraining Aranda with a chokehold until he passed out. "It might not be so bad if we took the deal. I do kind of like those white uniforms those guys wear and the company truck. And it is only eight albums. We can crank those out like diarrhea."

Rich "Hammer" Leib was fired as lead vocalist of the infamous all night party band Wakeup Call after the word leaked out from other band members that "He sucks and we're sick of it." This just eight months after the completion of the laboriously and lavishly produced album Hall of Shame and on the verge of actually playing a gig that didn't include motor oil stains on the dance floor.

When guitarist Tom Carpenter was asked about the sudden decision by the group he commented, "that fuckin' guy sang so bad that I would rather listen to my dog screwing a squirrel than listen to one more word out of that asshole." Tom claims to still have a close friendship with the downtrodden "Hammer" but he also added, "I can't believe I put up with that horrendous screeching for so goddamn long. Got a light?"

The statements made by drummer Chris Spizziri mirrored and expounded upon the pitiable lack of talent evident when the vocal mic was aimed at the disgusting pie hole of "Hammer" Leib. "You know, one time that jagoff actually tried to hit a note and it hit him back (he laughs)." While there is some animosity against the former lead vocalist the two other members of the band are looking forward to a fresh start as they are planning for a slew of winter shows around Chicagoland. When Tom was asked what they planned to do about a bass player with the sudden departure of their old vocalist (who doubled on the bass), he thought about it and said, "Well I never really thought about it. What does a bass sound like anyway? It's just there for looks, right? I guess we could keep "Hammer" on as bassist if he brings us beer and cheeseburgers to rehearsal."

So another hasty decision may mean it's not over yet for the stinky, hung over former singer. Chris responded to the idea of having Leib back as bassist. "I never really cared that much for his playing either. I think he has spaghetti on that chunk of shit bass instead of strings. But I guess as long as he's got some money or weed on him and he'll wash my Camaro,I'll let him back in the group."

Then there is the matter of finding a replacement lead vocalist. The only contender at press time was Danny Aranda who looks like a shoe in for the job. Danny was asked what he thought of "Hammer" and the former singer's ability.

He replied, "The poor slob just needed to sing like he had a pair! Thank God I'm here to put that fucking dick in his lowly place!"